What Is the Negative Cycle in EFT Couples Therapy?

 

Understanding the Negative Cycle in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) for Couples

The negative cycle, also known as the "demon dance" or "dance of disconnection," is a key concept in Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT). It refers to the pattern of negative interactions and reactions that can occur between partners in a relationship.

The negative cycle is often characterized by a pattern of emotional withdrawal, criticism, defensiveness, or other negative behaviors that can trigger negative reactions in the partner. For example, one partner may criticize the other for being emotionally distant, which can cause the other partner to withdraw even further, leading to further criticism and resentment.

EFT couples therapy helps couples identify their negative cycles and understand the underlying emotions and needs that drive them. Through this process, couples can learn to recognize and interrupt the negative cycle, replacing it with more positive and adaptive patterns of interaction.

The negative cycle is a common issue in relationships, but it can be particularly damaging if it becomes a habitual pattern. By working to break the negative cycle and develop more positive patterns of interaction, couples can build stronger and more fulfilling relationships.

Is EFT Backed by Research?

Yes, EFT is supported by a large body of research and has been shown to be effective for a variety of relationship issues.

Numerous studies have demonstrated the effectiveness of EFT for improving relationship satisfaction and reducing relationship distress, as well as for treating individual issues such as depression, anxiety, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). EFT has also been found to be effective for diverse populations, including couples of different races and sexual orientations.

For example, a meta-analysis of 86 studies found that EFT was highly effective in improving relationship satisfaction and reducing relationship distress, with effect sizes similar to or larger than those of other forms of couple therapy. Another meta-analysis found that EFT was effective in improving individual mental health outcomes, such as reducing symptoms of depression and anxiety.

EFT has also proven helpful for specific relationship challenges such as infidelity and trauma. One study found that EFT significantly improved relationship satisfaction and reduced trauma symptoms in couples dealing with infidelity.

Overall, the research suggests that EFT couples therapy is a highly effective form of therapy for improving both relational and individual mental health outcomes.

Ready to Break the Cycle and Reconnect?

If you and your partner feel stuck in painful patterns of disconnection, you’re not alone. You don’t have to keep navigating it by yourselves. Emotionally Focused Therapy offers a proven path forward, helping couples move from conflict and shutdown into deeper understanding and connection. If you're looking for EFT couples therapy in Austin, reach out to connect with one of our therapists. We're here to help you rebuild, together.

Written by Cat van der Westhuizen, LPC, LMFT

Providing Couples Therapy in Austin and Individual Counseling for those looking to deepen connection, improve communication, and create lasting change.

 

How Stress Impacts Functioning: Understanding Your Window of Tolerance

 

What is something that pushes you past your emotional limit?

Is it being in a huge fight with your partner?

Feeling the pressure to perform from several people in your life?

Crowded and loud spaces?

Everyone has their own unique response to the stressors and demands of life. Stress is a huge part of what gets explored and worked through in individual counseling and couples therapy sessions.

Managing Stress

One way people are able to manage their stress and triggers is to first manage their emotions. We ideally want to stay in a place where we can still function well. Daniel Siegel has named this concept the “window of tolerance”. Siegel describes the window of tolerance as “The optimal zone of “arousal” for a person to function in everyday life. When a person is operating within this zone or window, they can effectively manage and cope with their emotions.”

For some, especially those that have experienced trauma, their window of tolerance may be smaller. Therefore, it can be difficult for them to stay in an optimal zone for emotional regulation. This means that a person is not as easily able to get grounded, and the perceived threat of a stressor consumes them so that they aren’t able to think as clearly. These stressors can cause an individual to leave their “window of tolerance” and find themselves in either hyper or hypo arousal.

Hyperarousal (aka the fight or flight response) symptoms include:

  • hypervigilance

  • anxiety

  • panic

  • anger

  • feeling overwhelmed

Hypoarousal (aka the freeze response) symptoms include:

  • emotional numbness

  • emptiness

  • feeling frozen

  • physically feeling shut down

Within our ideal window of tolerance, we feel calm, collected, connected to others, and able to work through emotions and stress.

Start observing how you handle stressful situations. Ask yourself, what is my window of tolerance? What happens when I’m outside of my window of tolerance?

Not only does learning about your window of tolerance help with your own individual wellbeing, it will help you learn to better respond and handle stressors in relationships as well. A counselor or therapist can help you to learn more about managing stress and increasing your window of tolerance. You can also try tools, such as mindfulness, to help you stretch your window of tolerance.

Article by Sarah Imparato, MA, LMFT Associate