Strengthen your relationship this Valentine’s Day… and everyday

Valentine’s Day often brings pressure—grand gestures, expensive gifts, and picture-perfect romance. But true intimacy isn’t built in a day; it’s nurtured through small, meaningful moments all year long. Instead of focusing on what you do this Valentine’s Day, consider how you connect with your partner in ways that truly matter. For some, seeking professional support through Austin couples therapy can help explore new ways of connecting and improving communication. However, you don’t always need couples therapy to nurture your relationship—small, thoughtful changes can make a big difference.

1. Prioritize Presence Over Perfection

Romance isn’t about an elaborate date or a perfectly written card—it’s about being present with your partner. This means putting down your phone, making eye contact, and truly listening. In Austin couples therapy, therapists often emphasize the importance of being emotionally and mentally present with your partner, and this can have a huge impact on your relationship. Quality time together doesn’t need to be grand—just uninterrupted.

3. Turn Toward, Not Away

John Gottman’s research highlights the importance of “turning toward” your partner instead of away. This means acknowledging small bids for connection—like responding when they share a funny meme, engaging when they vent about their day, or giving a quick hug when they walk in the door. These moments may seem insignificant, but they are the foundation of a strong relationship.

4. Have a ‘State of Our Union’ Conversation

Valentine’s Day can be a great time to reflect on your relationship. Consider setting aside 20–30 minutes to check in with each other. Ask questions like:

What’s been working well in our relationship lately?

Is there anything I can do to make you feel more loved or supported?

What’s a small change we can make together to improve our connection?

This isn’t about pointing out flaws but about reinforcing what’s going well and making intentional efforts to grow together.

5. Celebrate Love in Your Own Way

Not every couple resonates with the commercialized version of Valentine’s Day, and that’s okay. Maybe your ideal celebration is cooking dinner together, going on a hike, or simply taking a break from the chaos of daily life to relax together. Define what feels good for your relationship rather than what’s expected.

Love That Lasts Beyond One Day

Valentine’s Day can serve as a reminder to nurture your connection—not just today, but every day. The real magic happens in the small moments, the quiet understanding, and the commitment to showing up for each other even when life gets busy.

Building a meaningful connection takes time and effort, but the rewards are immeasurable. Whether you’re making small changes on your own or seeking professional support, like Austin couples therapy, investing in your relationship will help you and your partner grow closer. If you're ready to deepen your bond and improve communication, reach out to us today to explore how couples therapy can support your relationship.

What is EFT?

Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) utilizes attachment theory, which looks at the bonds one makes throughout life and the patterns of beliefs one holds about oneself and others. A secure bond fosters safety and connection, but experiences of disconnection can cause distressing patterns that challenge our ability to stay connected.

EFT helps couples and individuals foster secure bonds with one another. At the heart of EFT lies the concept of A.R.E. — an acronym for Accessibility, Responsiveness, and Engagement.

Let's explore what A.R.E. means and ways it can enhance your relationship or marriage with the help of an EFT therapist.

Accessibility in EFT

Accessibility refers to availability and approachability. When you and your partner are accessible to one another, you are physically and emotionally available. This signals that you are a safe space to process challenges, fostering trust and deeper connection.

How to practice Accessibility:

Set up daily time(s) to check in with one another, asking how the other is doing and offering emotional or physical support
When having check-ins, try to avoid multitasking
When your partner is sharing vulnerabilities, use active listening skills through body language (i.e., maintaining eye contact, having an open posture, leaning in to listen)

Responsiveness in EFT

Have you ever experienced sharing something important with someone and felt they didn’t hear you or respond? This can be a pain point, and repeated unresponsiveness can create feelings of loneliness and disconnection. Responsiveness not only means actively listening to your partner but also validating their needs with empathy.

How to practice Responsiveness:

Ask questions to gain clarity about your partner's needs (i.e., “What might be important for me to further understand?”)
Let your partner know that you acknowledge their emotions without judgment
Remain curious (i.e., “Can you tell me more about that?”)

Engagement in EFT

When partners are “engaged” with one another, they appear involved in each other's emotional lives and maintain a close connection. Secure partners seek to mutually understand the other person’s world and know them on a deeper level. Engagement fosters depth and mutual purpose.

How to practice Engagement:

Express appreciation for your partner
Engage in activities you enjoy together regularly

Whether you are seeking to grow in your relationship with your partner, a family member, or a friend, A.R.E. is an actionable way to begin to transform your relationship or marriage into a deeper and more secure connection.

Reach out to Austin Relational Wellness to begin individual or couples therapy in Austin with an EFT therapist. Our EFT therapists can help you foster accessibility, responsiveness, and engagement and ultimately enhance your relationships.

Lauren Little, MA, LMFT Associate

Offering Austin Couples Therapy, Individual Therapy for Women in Life Transitions, and more

Contact Lauren